TEGA SAYS.......

Tega's Journal

Being in a relationship is a really tricky thing. One minute you have all the answers, and the next, you are as clueless as a kid on his first day in a new school. Boys and girls are so different, it's a wonder how they end up being together. As a girl, my perception, belief, ideals, goals and interests are poles apart from my boyfriend's. The way he views life is totally the opposite of how I see the world. He sees the world in black and white, I see it in pink, grey and blue. But in spite of our different outlook at life, we still manage to be in love.

As a girl, what we want from our relationship sometimes conflicts with what boys want from theirs. Us girls are programmed to want more than a casual relationship. We always tend to put the cart before the horse. The very instant a guy asks us out, we already start to picture in our heads the future with him. We are sitting down on our first date with him, but rather than enjoy his company, we are creating a mental picture of how many kids we would have together, what exact location our dream home would be built and if he would be bald and totally grey at age fifty five. We want more too quickly, and it rubs us of the ability to really enjoy our relationship with him.

A guy asks a girl out and he just wants to have a good time, not marry her. He wants to be able to enjoy her company and have fun. We don't see it that way. So,rather than be an interesting date, we switch off our attractive button because all our mental faculty is in full gear plotting ways of how to keep this guy around long enough to force a proposal out of him. It is really funny how we box ourselves in a corner because we are cut in this chase as girls on who will finish first. We forget that one of the things men find most unattractive and unsexy in us is desperation. When a guy senses you are desperate to tie him down in marriage, he runs away, and if he doesn't run away, he remains in the relationship and allow you make a fool of yourself, until he is tired of watching your freak show.

I read a book by sherry Argov on why men marry bitches, and it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I dare to say it has totally changed my perception on boys and marriage. Girls are so much in a hurry and guys take advantage of us because of it. We lose our power in a relationship the very minute a guy knows we are desperate. We hand him all our cards and we have nothing to hold him up to. We turn ourselves into what we are not with the hope that he would like what he sees and get a flashing from heaven that this 'new you' is what he wants to spend the rest of his life with. So, rather than be the boss in our relationship, we end up being the slave. Constantly trying to please him, and letting him use us as his foot mat.

There are over a billion single people in the world. Why try to please one. Why lose your identity just to get and keep the attention of one?? I'm going to contradict myself here and say that I do not blame some girls when they play all their cards to get a proposal out of a guy. When you meet a guy and agree to date him, it isn't because he is the finest, richest, funniest guy around. No. You date him because you have found something in him that does it for you. You have found the magic in him that puts the tingle in you. So, you fight to solidify and permanent it. You struggle to make that feeling legal. At this point, you have to be smart. You have to throw him that rope subtly, so u don't entangle him with it. Throw the rope at him and allow him catch it and use it to gain balance, not trip from it. Make him know that while you love him to bits and would love nothing more than to be his wife, you are not going to degrade yourself in the process.

All we have to do as girls is to be the best in our relationship. Be as fun, as naughty, as interesting, as stubborn, as loving, and as caring as you can be, and if the boy is sensible enough, the only thing that would delay him from popping the question, is coming up with a creative and most romantic way to ask you to give him the pleasure of being his wife. We shouldn't be the ones doing the stressing and wondering and thinking and plotting. It's the guy's duty to live with the wonder of if you will agree to be is wife when he proposes. We shouldn't tip the balance of the universe. We shouldn't play the guy's role.

I'm very well aware that sometimes, we get tempted to want to slap some sense into him, and scream at the top of our voices if he can't see how fucking awesome we are and why he won't just go down on his freaking knees and propose. We do this because of love. We do this because we have found that thing in him that satisfies us. For different girls it's different things. For me, it's how he holds my hand, how he tries to protect me from the world even from myself,how he takes care of me, how he is compassionate towards people, how he always tips the waiter and security men, how he stops to tip a traffic warden. It is how I am myself when I'm with him, how I hate him sometimes and love him like crazy at the same time. I have found in him what makes me myself, and I would be damned if I let that slip out of my hands.

Anyway, that's all I have to say.. Have fun guys..I'm off.. *shaking my head to the beats of Adele's Set fire to the rain*